Updated: Dec 7, 2021
We all have a bit of narcissistic traits which can be a healthy part of our ego. They become concerning, however, when they start to froth above a certain threshold. A narcissist is underlyingly very insecure with themselves and cannot stand any perceived threats to their already fragile ego. If someone ends up in a psychiatric hospital, chances are, there is a narcissist within their close circles. Depending on the source, from 5% to 20% of the population is considered to have some form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They can be found in parents, spouses, friends, neighbors, supervisors, politicians and managers at one’s place of employment.
Narcissist’s manipulations are not just bad behavior, they can actually change the brain chemistry (mostly temporary) of their targets. Their targets will start to lose confidence in other aspects of their reality and will lose their normal level of concentration and mental focus. Whenever possible, the best way to deal with a narcissist is not to confront them, but find ways to avoid them. Distancing and separating yourself from their environment is the best course of action. If they are your supervisor, then transfer to another department or find a new employer. 1. They tend to provide both an insult and a compliment within the same sentence or breath when attacking a target.
2. They do not listen to the words or facts that are being presented to them, but rather, react to the associated internal emotions. They listen too much to their emotions, regardless if they are accurate or not, which often times is a defense mechanism to feelings of shame or guilt. There can be times when you are agreeing with them during a discussion, yet they become mad at you. This is because they are focused too much on their internal emotions and not on what is actually being said.
3. They can be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide, seeming to be like the nicest person on earth and then suddenly switching into an evil domination for power. They will perform good deeds only when there is audience for them, for they are trying to paint themselves as a wonderful person as a means to fool everyone.
4. They will study and observe your behavior and look for any perceived weaknesses or fears, sometimes acting as your friend. They then later use these weaknesses and fears against you as a means to manipulate and control.
5. They are known to have sudden temper flair ups if you say the slightest of words. You start to emotionally tiptoe around them as a means to not set off their rage.
6. They can be pathological liars, re-writing history and manipulating your reality in an effort to control you. A common technique that they use is “gas lighting”, lying right to your face when you have all the evidence or proof in your hands.
7. A narcissist will rarely or never reflect on themselves to see if they may have been the one at fault. A narcissist will view narcissism as a favorable talent.
8. A narcissist’s common tool for manipulation is giving one the silent treatment and/or running behind the scenes smear campaigns of their target’s character. The smear campaigns rely on lies rather than facts and target anyone seen as a threat to their objectives.
9. They tend to brag about non-accomplishments or make the littlest of things into the most grandiose of accomplishments. In doing so, they make you feel insignificant or unimportant.
10. They seldom, if ever, apologize for their mistakes in judgment and if they do, it is not usually sincere.
11. They do not seek relationships for healthy companionship, but view people as tools for getting what they want or as an audience to feed their ego.
12. They use all the items listed above to their advantage to control and manipulate. If you show them this list, they will be proud of their techniques and continue to use them.